A New Chapter

It is so strange to figure out what to feel at the moment. I am graduated! It ended up being a really good day, past the fact that the people who put on the graduation are ridiculous. Haha. But I had a great time with my few friends that I graduated with. At the moment when I switched my tassel to the left side and threw my cap in the air, I felt happy and accomplished. A good friend of mine said that I was glowing and just seemed so happy. And I was...I am. But it is also a very strange feeling. I am not a little girl playing house and dress up anymore. I am an adult and in 3 months exactly, I will be moved away and starting college. It is such an exciting thing and I know it's going to be quite the adventure. I feel I am ready. I have never been so ready for anything. God has been shaping me into the person I have become for this next big step that I am taking. He has guided me to this point and will continue to guide me in each and every step that I take. I have given up my life to serve Him and to follow His will, and I can't wait to see where He takes me.

I have been blessed with such a wonderful life. It has been full with so many wonderful people and remarkable events. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the people who have made such an impact on my life. You know who you are. So thank you. I will always treasure you and the memories we have made. I love you and you will always have a special place in my heart!

This is the ending chapter of my childhood and high school years, but the beginning of the rest of my life.

Feelings of a Graduate

It has finally come; the day that I've been waiting for. All through high school you wonder what the day you graduate is going to be like. Honestly, it's not as extravagant as I thought it would be. I think as a home schooled student it's different though. I don't have relationships with my senior class. I have like 3 friends in it, but that still doesn't even make it like amazing or anything. There is just nothing personal or really special about it. This doesn't mean I am not excited, cause I am. But the reason I am excited isn't because of the graduation itself, but the fact that its basically the last step of being done and moving on to what's next.

In a way I wish I didn't have this attitude about it. I want to care more. I do feel accomplished in a way, which is important I suppose. But there is just something missing. It seems like I should just be extremely excited or something. Maybe once I am actually there tomorrow, it will be more real so I'll be more into it. Hopefully that will be the case. Because I know one day I am going to look back and wish I had a different attitude or something.

Well, it has been an extremely long week and I have a very long day tomorrow.

Goodnight, world.

Happy Graduation to me! Whooo!

Out Of The Blue = Perfect lyrics

How can people just say

We are not meant to be

And when something's true

How can people just

Keep me away from you

Suddenly, I'm all alone

Pushed away from nothing wrong

Don't cha have the guts to say

How you feel about me

[Chorus]

Out of the blue

You said we couldn't be together

I had to get over you

You're given no choice

When ya have no voice

Out of the blue

Keep thinkin you'll call

On the telephone

Don't even know

If your at home

But to control

Just how we feel

Between you and I

Not for one to steal

[Chorus]

Out of the blue

You said we couldn't be together

I had to get over you

You're given no choice

when ya have no voice

Just wanna hear

What you've gotta say

Are you feeling the same

Cause I'm not okay

But when we met

There was something more

But you just said no

Then they shut the door

[Chorus]

Out of the blue

You said we couldn't be together

I had to get over you

You're given no choice

When you have no voice

Out of the blue

We should have been together

Don't wanna get over you

Love makes no choice

It has no voice

Out of the blue

I shall learn this song...and sing it all the time.

Home Is Where The Heart Is...?

This stage in life can be so confusing. I feel like every day is an unknown. Of course it is in a way...we can't know what is going to happen today or tomorrow. But for me right now its like one day I feel great and excited and the next I feel lost and lonely. I have a wonderful family and great friends. But where is my best friend? That person who can instantly know that I am struggling and will say the simplest things to make me feel better. The person who I know I can run to and will drop whatever they are doing to listen. I have 3 people (other than family) who I trust and can tell anything to. None of those people are my age though. I did have 3 others my age...but I've either just grown distant from them or they simply don't care anymore.

It makes this short while here so hard. It makes me want to move away right this instant, but at the same time, there are still those that are so precious to me who I want more time with. But it is so hard not to dwell on the fact that I feel so distant from this place that I call home. If the saying "home is where the heart is" is true...where is my heart? I think it's still where I gave it away to. It's in California. Even though it is a different situation now...it is still there.

I love this place. I love these people. This is where I know I can always come back to and feel safe. I know I am going to be homesick for it when I am gone. But I desperately need a change of scene.

I can't let my longing for a new life rob my time left here.

Wakeup Call

For the past couple of weeks I have been wrestling, wrestling with being joyful in the midst of strife. I had feelings of hurt and bitterness..and I don't like that. I wanted to be my happy, smiley self...but I let things get in the way of that. I wanted to be consumed with God's peace and joy, but I didn't take the action to do so. I'd say a little prayer of "Okay, God...just take this all away and fill me with your peace and joy" but after that I just went on my way. I was assuming that I could be happy in Christ without giving Him the time of day...only a little snippet of time to ask for what I wanted. I wanted to have the desire to be fully engaged in His Word and be in constant prayer...but I just wouldn't.

Finally, this last Wednesday I woke up and told myself that I truly need to start working on this issue. I spent the morning reading my Bible and spending time with God in prayer. Just after that I started to feel renewed. I also got online and listen to a sermon from Francis Chan (the founder of the college I will be attending). The message I chose to listen to was exactly what I needed to hear. Francis talked about completely surrendering your life to Christ. It brought be to tears as I realized that lately...I hadn't been surrendering everything to God. I had let fear overcome me and put up a wall so I could just stay in my safe little comfort zone. I had been wrestling with God because I have all these things that are so dear to my heart and I am so scared to let them go because they give me comfort. But its like I just heard God whispering to me "Maribeth...do you trust me?". How is it that I am so willing (to an extant) to put my trust in people, who eventually let me down, but I am not so willing to put my full trust in my Heavenly Father, the only one that will never let me down? I just disgust myself. But coming to this conclusion was a definite wakeup call. Nothing but serving my Savior, my Creator matters. Wednesday I made a commitment of completely trusting God with my life. I will go, I will do, I will say whatever it is that He wants of me. Through that, I find the peace and joy that I was so longing for. It's amazing how so many little things happen that tempt to bring me down...even in the last few days. For instance, every night I have had dreams that wake me up and deeply sadden me, causing me to want to ask WHY?!?! But then I am able to snap out of it and feel peace because I know God is in control and He does have a plan. A plan that is going to be more wonderful than I can imagine. And all that matters is that I seek His will, serve Him, and bring glory to His name. I pray for the day to come soon where I see His holy face and hear "well done, my good and faithful servant".