Wakeup Call

For the past couple of weeks I have been wrestling, wrestling with being joyful in the midst of strife. I had feelings of hurt and bitterness..and I don't like that. I wanted to be my happy, smiley self...but I let things get in the way of that. I wanted to be consumed with God's peace and joy, but I didn't take the action to do so. I'd say a little prayer of "Okay, God...just take this all away and fill me with your peace and joy" but after that I just went on my way. I was assuming that I could be happy in Christ without giving Him the time of day...only a little snippet of time to ask for what I wanted. I wanted to have the desire to be fully engaged in His Word and be in constant prayer...but I just wouldn't.

Finally, this last Wednesday I woke up and told myself that I truly need to start working on this issue. I spent the morning reading my Bible and spending time with God in prayer. Just after that I started to feel renewed. I also got online and listen to a sermon from Francis Chan (the founder of the college I will be attending). The message I chose to listen to was exactly what I needed to hear. Francis talked about completely surrendering your life to Christ. It brought be to tears as I realized that lately...I hadn't been surrendering everything to God. I had let fear overcome me and put up a wall so I could just stay in my safe little comfort zone. I had been wrestling with God because I have all these things that are so dear to my heart and I am so scared to let them go because they give me comfort. But its like I just heard God whispering to me "Maribeth...do you trust me?". How is it that I am so willing (to an extant) to put my trust in people, who eventually let me down, but I am not so willing to put my full trust in my Heavenly Father, the only one that will never let me down? I just disgust myself. But coming to this conclusion was a definite wakeup call. Nothing but serving my Savior, my Creator matters. Wednesday I made a commitment of completely trusting God with my life. I will go, I will do, I will say whatever it is that He wants of me. Through that, I find the peace and joy that I was so longing for. It's amazing how so many little things happen that tempt to bring me down...even in the last few days. For instance, every night I have had dreams that wake me up and deeply sadden me, causing me to want to ask WHY?!?! But then I am able to snap out of it and feel peace because I know God is in control and He does have a plan. A plan that is going to be more wonderful than I can imagine. And all that matters is that I seek His will, serve Him, and bring glory to His name. I pray for the day to come soon where I see His holy face and hear "well done, my good and faithful servant".